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BEIJING - Chinese authorities have released a statement today denying that any Olympics are happening in Beijing or any region of China at this time. Zhi Huang, spokesman for the People’s Republic of China, stated Thursday morning during a press conference “While we recognize that the Olympics exist as an event that does happen, there [...]
AP - Internet sensation Mark Hambly has been featured today on popular NYC comedy blog The Apiary with an on point and indepth review of The Onion Movie.
Is life stressing you out? Tough day at work? Secret pregnancy? Inconsistent bowel movements?
Can I suggest taking a smoke break?
When topics of politics come up, I like to threaten that if things don’t change I am going to move to Canada.
I don’t think people are taking me seriously.
Forget clothing, primping, or giving jewelery to your dog. The latest dog fashion is the Doghawk, the mohawk for dogs.
It’s about time… I’m back, after an extended creative hiatus!
Why oh why did you leave us, Mark? Answers within!
The New York Giants have replaced the New England Patriots as the most arrogant team in the league by signing David Carr to a 1 year/1 million dollar deal. Biting their thumb at the rest of the NFL, the Giants have seemingly declared “we’re so good we can even win with this chump on our team!” David Carr is not only a bad football player, but a truly despicable human being.
Pete Rose, the all-time Major League Baseball leader in hits, games played, at bats, and outs, after decades of waiting has finally been elected into the prestigious Gamblers’ Hall of Fame.
News, Not-Entirely-Factual Comments (0)
Blue Springs, MO - The American Bestiality Enthusiasts (ABE) today delivered a stern message to geneticists around the world. “After years of great progress in the field of cloning, we feel that recently scientists have been slacking off,” stated ABE President Vern Heely. “Recent advances in molecular cloning have focused on bacteria and plants. What good is that going to do anyone?”
Long known as the most supportive and vocal lobbyists for animal cloning, the ABE still celebrate Dolly Day every year on July 5th, the anniversary of the birth of Dolly, the original cloned sheep. “Our Fourth of July just comes one day later,” Heely explained.
If the ABE were to withdraw their support of animal cloning there would be no foreseeable consequences whatsoever. “We’ve had enough! Just imagine what we could accomplish if we concentrated all our vast scientific resources on the cloning of more sheep like Dolly,” Heely declared to loud cheers from all four ABE members in attendance at the press conference, which took place in the basement of an area YMCA.
When one local reporter reminded Heely that great advances were in fact being made in the field of human cloning, Heely scoffed and promptly walked out of the room, muttering something about “going back to my farm.”
All legitimate scientists and scientific organizations have declined to comment.
Jake @ August 29, 2008
