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BEIJING - Chinese authorities have released a statement today denying that any Olympics are happening in Beijing or any region of China at this time. Zhi Huang, spokesman for the People’s Republic of China, stated Thursday morning during a press conference “While we recognize that the Olympics exist as an event that does happen, there [...]
Forget clothing, primping, or giving jewelery to your dog. The latest dog fashion is the Doghawk, the mohawk for dogs.
Pete Rose, the all-time Major League Baseball leader in hits, games played, at bats, and outs, after decades of waiting has finally been elected into the prestigious Gamblers’ Hall of Fame.
Fox’s hit reality show “American Idol” is a true ratings juggernaut. Already in its 7th season on prime time, the television program is so powerful that it has withstood some pretty serious scandals. Prior contestants have been involved in everything from pornography to drugs/alcohol to inappropriate relationships with the judges. Yet “American Idol” has weathered the storm and emerged unscathed. However, this week the biggest bombshell of all was dropped…
NEW YORK - Local electronics hobbiest Garth McKenzie was fiddling around with his recently purchased Sony Blu-ray player when he discovered the high definition video player had an unadvertised bonus feature. He determined that the Blu-ray player had a bonus video game functionality and is able to play ‘Playstation 3′ games.
HANOVER, NH - A recent study completed at Dartmouth College has revealed shocking information regarding the popular number puzzle of sudoku. The study shows that participating in and solving sudoku puzzles is in fact not fun. Stop fooling yourself.
AP - Football players from all around the world will be playing in the Super Bowl or what many refer to as “The Mini Grey Cup” today. Similar to the Memorial Cup for hockey it will feature up-and-coming football players all vying to make it to a CFL football team. Many players have already been drafted by CFL clubs and are in development to play in the CFL before too long.
PHOENIX, AZ - The Vince Lombardi Trophy has been the target much criticism recently in regards to it’s lean stature. Fans are rallying that the award for winning the biggest single sporting event of the year should be equally the biggest award of the year.
John McCain was riding high, fresh off a huge win in the Florida Primary. With the endorsements of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rudy Giuliani and huge wins in South Carolina and New Hampshire, McCain was making a run at the Republican Presidential Nomination. It was as if everything was starting to go his way.
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Blue Springs, MO - The American Bestiality Enthusiasts (ABE) today delivered a stern message to geneticists around the world. “After years of great progress in the field of cloning, we feel that recently scientists have been slacking off,” stated ABE President Vern Heely. “Recent advances in molecular cloning have focused on bacteria and plants. What good is that going to do anyone?”
Long known as the most supportive and vocal lobbyists for animal cloning, the ABE still celebrate Dolly Day every year on July 5th, the anniversary of the birth of Dolly, the original cloned sheep. “Our Fourth of July just comes one day later,” Heely explained.
If the ABE were to withdraw their support of animal cloning there would be no foreseeable consequences whatsoever. “We’ve had enough! Just imagine what we could accomplish if we concentrated all our vast scientific resources on the cloning of more sheep like Dolly,” Heely declared to loud cheers from all four ABE members in attendance at the press conference, which took place in the basement of an area YMCA.
When one local reporter reminded Heely that great advances were in fact being made in the field of human cloning, Heely scoffed and promptly walked out of the room, muttering something about “going back to my farm.”
All legitimate scientists and scientific organizations have declined to comment.
Jake @ August 29, 2008