Kremlins and Gremlins

By Mark

General, The Main Event

Continuing on my Russian tirade, let talk Kremlin. First off, I’m a big fan of the Kremlin for one main reason. It is by far one of the coolest words around. Leave it to the Russians to take our favorite folklore character, the gremlin, and make it even cooler by adding a ‘k’. (note: I resisted the temptation to change the spelling of cooler, you’re welcome).

Now for some learning, Kremlin is just a word that refers to any ancient Russian citadel. However it often is referred to the Moscow Kremlin. A lot of people dream of living in a ‘mansion’ or even a ‘castle’. Screw that, when I grow up, I’m going to have my own Kremlin.

So what do I have to do to achieve my own kremlin? This one will be tough. Apparently you can’t just make new ones anymore, and you rarely see them up for sale on ebay or craigslist. I suppose I could go through a realtor, but I really don’t want to get hit with a brokerage fee.

It’s looking like the only way will be similar to most of my plans in life. Marry into it. All I need is to find a hot, young, supple Russian dignitary babe. Once on the inside it should be a pretty straight forward rise to power in the kremlin of my choosing.

But enough about Russian fortresses, lets get back to gremlins. Unfortunately they aren’t all like cuddly adorable Gizmo. In fact, gremlins have been known to stowaway on aircrafts and then bring them down via mechanical sabotage. Gizmo on the other hand prefers to rock out to the demo song on his Casio.

Gremlins have an affinity for science and mechanics (who doesn’t!!) and they are known to become sympathetic with your enemy. Unfortunately your enemy does not have gremlins to sympathize with you, so go blow your nose and quit crying, you baby.

Now, finally, the question I know which is on everyone’s mind. What happens when gremlins break into your Kremlin?

It’s a rhetorical question. Think about it.

Mark @ December 10, 2007