Buh Bye8 Items You Need At Your Desk [Internet Survival]
By Mark
Your computer desk is a sacred area, it is likely where you spend a large bulk of your time, whether at work or at home. In order to maximize your computing efficiency (read: win at the internet) you should be prepared. In this guide I have accumulated a list of the necessary items you should already have within arm’s reach at all times.
Scientific Calculator
Sure, you have a crappy calculator on your computer, or maybe you have Maple or Matlab at your disposal. Lets be honest though, none of those are efficient for lightning fast calculations. From simple multiplications to solving emergency integrations, you need a stand-alone calculating unit. Having just one will suffice, however, it is suggested you maintain at least two working calculators on your desk at all times: one standard scientific calculator for fast operations, and an advanced calculus solving robot.
Suggested Items for this category is a Sharp D.A.L. type scientific calculator for your quickies, and a Texas Instruments TI-89 for those late night limits and differentiations.
A Speaker System With a Gigantic Subwoofer
Everyone has a sound system with their computer, however a standard sound system isn’t sufficient. You should have a system with a ridiculously large subwoofer cabinet. You know what they say about big subwoofers. Besides, those piddly little subs you typically see are laughable. To avoid certain embarrassment, under your desk should be a subwoofer that could be easily confused with a large kitchen appliance.
Simple test to determine if you satisfy this criterion: Do you have enough leg room? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you should consider upgrading your sound system.
A Mixed Jumble of Loose Cables
You may not currently have a use for BNC to XLR cables, but you should certainly be prepared for when you do. If your unused cable count is not in the double digits, you are running the risk of being caught with your pants down. Digitally.
The following suggested types are only a few of the most important cables you should already have.
LEMO to Banana
BNC to Everything Imaginable
XLR to TRS
Xbox 360 to Component
Crossover RJ45
B&K to Dual Mono 1/8″ Airline Headphone Plug
Failed and Unlabeled Burned CD-R’s
Do not discard or label failed CD or DVD burns. In fact you shouldn’t label any of your recordable media. Leave them on your desk for quick access. When the pile of unlabeled CD’s grows to be cumbersome, put them on a spindle.
Pro-tip: put the used unlabeled discs back on the same spindle as the new unused disc’s for maximum space efficiency!
Soldering Iron & Accessories
You’ll need this for all the sweet mods you do, as well as random cable assembly and repair. All those cheap cables you bought earlier will probably need a fixing after a few violent yanks as you trip over them on your way to the microwave. Having a soldering iron handy allows for the quick addition of an LED or multiple LED’s to almost any gadget or piece of electronics you own.
Suggested Accessories: Variable Wattage Power (0-50 W), replacement tips, tinning flux, copper braid, ‘solder sucker‘, rosin core solder, heat sink, grounding wristband, totally cool magnifying glass headgear, fine sand paper, sponge, fume hood.
A Random Action Figure
Nothing says ‘I’m serious about my desk’ like a random action figure. Just one though, any more and you are a collector. The more random and less typical the action figure is the better. Avoid comic book or popular characters. Popular characters are OK if they contrast your personality appropriately (ie: if you compete in strong-man competitions, any Sanrio character would be acceptable). More than one figure is only acceptable if the action figures create a coherent scene, such as a Mcfarlane Michael Vick and two toy pit bulls.
Suggested possible action figures: Bobble-head Carlton Banks, Hamburglar, Anne of Green Gables.
Oscilloscope and Function Generator
This is the staple of any desk, possibly even more important than the computer itself. A dual channel digital locking oscilloscope is preferred. A function generator with sweep capabilities will assure that no device will go untested. Hopefully you have already taken the time to replenish your BNC cables to assure no waveform gets by unanalyzed.
Suggested additional accessories: frequency response plotter, accelerometer calibrator, hemi-anechoic chamber.
One 3.5″ Floppy Disk
Every time somebody asks you to check something for them or send them some files, you say “sure, just a moment…” as you pick up the floppy disk and insert it into your computer. You can then go ahead and do whatever they had asked. After you complete the task and they are still watching, you should be sure to remove the floppy disk and put it back in its designated spot. The better you can sell the fact that you needed the floppy disk to do whatever they had requested the more bewilderment you will cause. Mastering this technique will make your peers both fear and respect you.
If you don’t have a floppy drive anymore, a tape backup is an acceptable substitution. Failing that, just jam the floppy disk into your CD drive.
Mark @ February 28, 2008