The hottest topic on the internet today has been Aziz Ansari’s hotly contested comment regarding his impending take-over of The Transporter franchise. Below is a quote from Aziz’s blog during a Boston Globe interview:
Q. So we won’t see you 10 years from now accepting an Oscar for your work in a war film?
A. No. [...]
This is exciting, in my email today was the first opportunity I’ve ever had to be a media whore! The following is from an email I received from a marketing rep for Universal.
Hi Mark-
I know you’ve watched all the Statham movies possible, but have you been checking out the DVDs? I have some unreleased bonus [...]
I went to see Transporter 3 on opening day. I took notes to capture my emotions during the film. The following is a summary of these emotions.
Blue Springs, MO - The American Bestiality Enthusiasts (ABE) today delivered a stern message to geneticists around the world. “After years of great progress in the field of cloning, we feel that recently scientists have been slacking off,” stated ABE President Vern Heely. “Recent advances in molecular cloning have focused on bacteria and plants. What good is that going to do anyone?”
So we know the rules:
1. Don’t blow up Statham’s Car.
2. Don’t feed a juicebox to the package.
3. Cover yourself in grease.
Simple rules that make Frank Martin the king of the transportation business. This is why he is still around for The Transporter 2!
This time we don’t beat around the bush and get straight to [...]
BEIJING - Chinese authorities have released a statement today denying that any Olympics are happening in Beijing or any region of China at this time. Zhi Huang, spokesman for the People’s Republic of China, stated Thursday morning during a press conference “While we recognize that the Olympics exist as an event that does happen, there [...]
AP - Internet sensation Mark Hambly has been featured today on popular NYC comedy blog The Apiary with an on point and indepth review of The Onion Movie.
I was telling a friend about the Stathamology series the other day and he mentioned “You know what movie I think you would like? Death Race 2000.” I let out a guffaw as he didn’t realize how on point his analysis was. Then I proceeded to inform him of the Death Race sequel. [...]
Ever have one of those really dumb ideas that are so dumb, that you laugh about it with your friends for 15 minutes and then never mention it again? This movie was the result of one of those moment. It’s like the movie Speed except instead of a bus you have a cell phone, and [...]
Every actor has one movie that defines their career. Sometimes an actor has such a career defining role that it also defines their life, their dreams, their destiny. I like to think that Collateral is that movie for Jason Statham.
Statham bumps into Tom Cruise in the airport, and they swap bags.
Enjoy L.A.
That is [...]
Buzzkill, General Comments (1)
Here is the latest video my sketch group Buzzkill has completed. It is awesome. I spent an entire day editing it. Awesome green screening all around… eat your heart out Mark Absolon.
The first celebrity “I Pledge” video was cut way too short (come on, only four minutes?!?), so the producers figured they should make another. This is that second video.
More of our awesome videos at http://buzzkillcomedy.com.
Mark @ January 26, 2009
Now that both the ‘Best **** of 2008′ season and awards season are both over I figure it is time for me to bust out my Best of 2008 Awards!
Best New Album:
Ashes Divide - Keep Telling Myself It’s Alright
Best Old Album Personal Discovery:
Alice in Chains - Dirt
Best Video Game:
Achievement Unlocked
Best Addiction:
Tie: World of Warcraft & Hookers
Best Emoticon:
Crab Hands
Best Beer:
Harpoon Oktoberfest
Best Short Lived Hobby:
Remote Control Helicopter Piloting
Best Movie:
Wall-E
Best Innernet Video:
Jizz In My Pants
Best TV Show:
How I Met Your Mother
Best Older TV Show Discovery:
Freaks and Geeks
Best Serbian Tennis Star I Pretended I Was Dating:
Ana Ivanovic
Best Website:
Gizmodo
Best Comic:
Tie: Dinosaur Comics & XKCD
Best Hockey Game:
Dallas vs San Jose, Game 6
Best Shitty Chinese Food:
General Tso’s Chicken
Best Single Continuous Download:
53 GB, 3 Months
Best Picture I Took:
Tie: Balls in Face, Rob Riggle Honking, Slap Shot
Best Game Console:
Xbox 360
Best Newt:
Adrock the Newt
Best Sandwich:
Grilled Chicken, Lettuce, Jalapeno, Muenster, Honey Mustard, Sriracha
Best Statham Movie:
Death Race
Best Improv Team:
Reuben Williams
Best Nickname for a Friend’s Co-Worker Whom I Have Never Met:
Captain Fuckhead
Best Offer Received but Turned Down:
Dude who offered to trade snowboards on the spot in Vail
Amount Donated to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre:
~$1800
Best Moment in Sketch Class:
Blobot
Best Moment in Improv Class:
Bruddy
Best Burger:
Stout Burger
(Note: I did not have a burger from The Works during the 2008 calendar year)
Best Pub:
Grassroots
Mark @ January 13, 2009
Buzzkill, The Main Event Comments (0)
One of my sketch groups I partake in, Buzzkill, has launched an INTERNET WEB HOME PAGE SITE! We have conquered the mighty beast of the internet and posted some of our comedy video footage online.
Expect plenty of updated new content through the site, including an ongoing series of Buzzkill videos. Here is Buzzkill #2 in all it’s glory, to catch you up to speed:
Wasn’t that fun! Now while you are at it, enjoy our first original sketch video, Rockband: Behind the Music.
Bookmark it, RSS it, set it as your windows 98 active desktop, or however you like to revisit websites, because new content will be flowing regularly!
Mark @ January 8, 2009
Many years ago the single greatest music video of all time hit the internets, Just 2 Guyz. Now the dudes have struck again, but who invited Steve? That dude’s a cunt.
Courtesy of The Lonely Island.
Mark @ December 30, 2008
While cataloging the entire DirecTV satellite channel listings for a residential audio-visual job, I noticed something a little fishy. First off, there is an ungodly amount of shopping channels. I counted at least 25, and I’m sure I missed a few as they like to cleverly disguise themselves by not including the word ’shopping’ in the title. As if someone is going through the channels trying to find Seinfeld and stumbles across this rogue shopping channel and will be like “Oh shit, I wanted to watch Seinfeld, but i guess I’ll buy this food processor instead!”. Actually that probably happens. A lot.
However, what I then noticed was shocking. Ladies and gentlemen, it is the year 2008. WHY are none of these shopping channels in HD? We live in an age where we can watch puppies take a crap in high definition but, quite likely, the largest single genre of television is still being broadcast in blurry, old standard definition.
Smells a little fishy to me.
Mark @ November 24, 2008
The internet’s sexiest drama, just got sexiest-er.
Amazing.
Mark @ October 16, 2008
I’ll be honest, I only tell people I am Canadian to save you from having your mind blown from my intense US political prowess.
Or maybe I am just Canadian and only watched my first debate tonight. Either way, here is my final score:
John McCain: 8 quips
Tom Brokaw: 5 zingers
Barrack Obama: 0 lafs
My analysis: Although McCain scored the most points, highlighted by noting that he would not pick Brokaw as his Treasury Secretary, Brokaw fired back with some pure comic genious remarks changing the foundation of debates for here on out. Brokaw also threw in a few funny faces, capping the entire debate off with a “you are in my way!” face. Obama seemed to not even show up to this debate, not even matching some of McCain’s softer moments such as his stale hair transplant material.
Conclusions of my ground breaking political analysis: I’m still not allowed to vote.
Mark @ October 7, 2008
You are wonderful and have helped me tremendously.
Via erockappel.com via funnyordie.com
Mark @ October 1, 2008
Seriously, whoever is in charge of poster placement at the 28th Street #1 Station, you are my favorite person in the world.
If the hilarity doesn’t jump out at you immediately, perhaps this site will help refresh your memory.
Mark @ September 27, 2008
